la vita è mistero

One day i might not be feeling what I am feeling today, one day i might not be mad at things happening in my life, one day i might not bother about little details at which i get frustrated and sad, one day i might not take things with so much pain as i m taking them today but one thing which i don't want to change about myself anytime in my lifetime and that is my tendency of loving people and moments.

People say God made mother coz he couldn't be present everywhere, then i don't understand why he took away my mum so early... didn't I deserved her love n i never felt God's presence either. Anyhow without wasting my time on questioning whether god really exists or not. Yes, I do believe in gods but that is only coz of my mum....she believed in them and I pray n do little things in worship only for her, thats why i always ask for others in prayers. There have been instances when i had traveled hundreds of kilometers in the name of worship and peace but whenever i reached the destination I asked God to bless someone else. I don't want to change this in ME.

My thoughts are always random as random as this blog is. I don't know whether someone will ever feel the delights of a gud reader's experience while browsing through my blog but m sorry I can't help it. If you want to read anything about me, then it would be always random....so plz cope up with it.

Just feel like writing something about love, of course everyone has their share of love in their lives and I too had privilege of it. Its beautiful, its peaceful but above this love is full of pain and if you mix it with self centered favours then it will become dangerous and complicated.

Never expect in love, believe me it pollutes the sacred feeling and it has a habbit of punishing in harsh ways, so beware whenever you tend to get away from the track. I remember when i was a little kid i loved dancing, and once during the audition of the annual fest i got that compliment from one of my senior that i was the best dancer from my age group and I still remember the delight of it. That was a selfless love, I used to dance for two reasons one becoz i simply loved dancing and secondly that I used get a chance to wear those traditional dresses (since i love dressing up especially in traditional Indian outfits and makeups).

As years passed my love for sports grew, i still remember my dad used to make me sit n see all the steffi graf's matches and from that time she is the only tennis player i love watching. I liked many sports there were no favorites rather i feel i loved the spirit of sportsmanship, I loved the enthu and excitement while playing for not only winning but to give a gud satisfying innings be it any sport. Though I never excelled in any sports but I can proudly say that I have all the qualities of a gud sportsman and that has helped me to become a better person indeed.

Now those school n college days are long bygones. Its been 4 yrs since i left my regular studies, there was a time when I used to love studying not to get high marks in exams but to gain knowledge and because i enjoyed studying, Today I am too much confused to decided over the subject that I want to study. :O :|

People say it happens in this age group of 25 around you get confused and often think about finding purpose of life, In a way its gud to explore one's depths but at the same time its really challenging to make ur own calls, But then this is the true independence of a being. Independence doesn't comes from financial security or free will to do anything, It actually lies in taking your boat towards the direction from where you get the call when your boat is sailing on a safe route out in the ocean. Independence comes when you are able to gain the confidence to take your life where your inner soul is projecting it.

I dunno whether I am making any sense here but I have so far managed to understand this If i want to be happy and satisfied in life then I will have to listen to my soul. though its too confusing and aimless at the moment but there is no other way I can live ...its suffocating.