Its better not to think sometimes...not to conclude anything sometimes....n the anxiety becomes bearable.

But the truth remains the Truth.

I don't know whether I should appreciate the emotions inside me or work towards changing myself.

All I know is that I am gifted with some really beautiful people and I don't want to loose them at any cost. I have already lost a lot.

Best is yet to come ;)

Yes now that I have done journeys as promised to myself ....and I am left with nothing much apart from expressing the deep feelings and expressions which already had a big share in this space.

So I can move on to a different domain of my life which mostly couldn't draw my attention towards it, though it has provided me with very much appreciated independence but I never managed or should i say intended to do justice with it and kept it ignorant due to my priority which highlighted the other areas always. I doubt anyone can even guess it...well I am talking about the professional aspects.

Since childhood I had many dreams and as i grew older i can recollect it as a long list of aspirations, to mention some sensible ones out of those were a Doctor first then a teacher then Astronaut....IAF Pilot....CBI agent.....Volleyball player .....and ultimately i thought I should just concentrate on being a good home maker :P coz it includes some of my favorite things i like to do over past 10-15 odd years like ...cooking and baby sitting, but then i realized every girl has to do these stuff eventually whether they like it or not So I took it for granted that these will be surely coming my way in future....and also i m doing it currently in bits n pieces so lets channel my energy where i can contribute to someone beyond my family n friends...again this was not done voluntarily rather I decided to take up a profession that my dad has been planning for me. Getting thru engineering college was again a totally interest-less and enthu-less experience :P but then I had to make my dad happy. And like always ....my dad's every wish for me comes true....thats reality, watever he wishes for me i get it eventually.....awkward. I wonder when my dad can will start wishing what i wish for. :|

Anyways coming back to the point finally after studies with the dedicated efforts i got a decent job and with a good luck backing me i got thru this super hot technology in my first job itself... so now after almost 4 years I have become a so called "Consultant" who is supposed to provide the streamlined solutions to the top managements for their ERP's with designing reports..planning etc....but I didn't feel even a single sensation in my blood to even aspire for doing something related to it till sometime back.

Yes you read it right ....till 2 months back I was all set to break away from this kind of life and move to a totally different dimension with dreams in my eyes and hopes of shaping up my future as i wanted it to be. But life had some different plans for me in store and after knowing that I totally lost it...and no other option or way could be worked out because none of it was leading me to the path where I intended to reach. So now that I am back into this business .... I have found a new hope for acquiring the knowledge.I have been challenged and I know if i work with a decent percentage of my abilities, I will end up with a recommendable job. And in the meantime my dreams can wait for me coz I am in the pursuit of acquiring more than what i ever wished for. Its certainly a wishful thinking! :)

With bundle full of aspirations I am hopeful again that I will become what I want to be instead of what situations or external factors will try to make me. It is about the dream that I have seen and I will not leave even a single stone unturned to gain whatever it takes to become what I have always dreamed of. :)

Someone once told me that whenever you are going to do something big, which seems impractical to people or something your soul connects to ....always make sure you announce it beforehand so that with so many eyes checking out on your progress your slightest doubt will vanish to live up to them and most importantly to your own expectations....sounds appropriate. But i never do things to show people, I do it because I want to stand tall in front of the mirror with pride and self respect in my eyes and face myself.

Good luck to myself..

Worship diaries..

Ok ....I admit that this space is updated more with my emotional n psychological journeys rather than the actual physical journey to places and yess jus now i realised that i missed to update one of the crucial trip i recently took. Yess finally I made it to Vaishno devi after 5 long years!!



I had been planning to go there from almost a year but thanks to my sweet betraying friends who always managed to flop the plans....but this time i told my best mate that listen I am going there and you let me know if you are coming with me or not. No waiting for the groups or the right time! and like always she said yess :)) So tickets were booked in hurry jus two days before the start of the journey and arrangements were made well in time as me being a good planner :P



So we started the journey from delhi station amid monsoon drama that we all saw in delhi this year but our hopes were high and there was no backing off this time. Jhelum express as I expected was a total jhelne wala package :D it took more than 12 hrs to reach jammu still we made it in time to Katra as per the planned schedule...thanks to J&K's tourism bus service.



So after little bit of rest and refreshment we were all set to start the trekking ad the weather looked good at the base.....yet there were some dark clouds waiting at the peak and they seemed as if they are all waiting to test my endurance...nevermind we started teh journey and did pretty well in first few KMs. Then the mighty rain gods showed up and we somehow liked the idea of trekking in rain and so mighty indra dev also couldn't stopped us from moving further..



With a good pace we reached the half way which is Ardhkuwari in couple of hours and because of the large turnout of crowd we decided to move on further. I must mention that my partner having a very strong diet control habits and me being a total eating freak were a deadly combination and this resulted both of us reaching Bhavan with couple of milk glasses down in our stomach and few juices because on rest of the food items there were always a mismatch :P I bet shez gonna pay for that very soon :D



So as i said earlier also there was a huge turnout of crowd so there had to be a long waiting line....but surprisingly it was for the cloak room and not for the darsans :O see these things make us indians unique ... we will have a bang on perfect arrangements for darshan but we will sideline rest of the stuff which incidentally contribute to the main attempts.....waiting in line for the cloak room locker for 1 and half hours :O :O and that too after taking bath in chilled water at 11 in the night ....i really swear that this is the last time i m taking bath in Bhavan :P Damn it was cold ......colder than winters :O may be because of the constant drizzling which wetted us.



Anyhow after the darshan we moved on to Bhairo and it was seriously a piece of cake....trekked the most steep way of 2 km in jus half hour B-) and contrary to my belief that the way to Bhairo is generally full of horse's shit and slippery mud and we being bare foot would make the trek more painful ....we made it pretty nicely.



Finally we were at our final destination in about 8 hours .....yeah i know this is the worst record so far but we also halted coz of heavy rains at places and yess there was a power blackout on the way to Bhavan and also remember that 1.5 hour waiting line fr lockers :D so we did nice right?



And we thought now the challenging part is over and we will climb down nice and easy in couple of hours.....BUT to my surprise my sweetheart had different plans !! Yess though i noticed the fascination in shutey's eyes for seeing Ardhkuwari cave in mid way only but never knew that she will make me walk 2 KM's extra to rech that cave again on our way down :| Yeah we came back by the most unexpected new route and until Bhavan climbing down was again a cake walk expect for an instance where we almost slide into the valley because of that mixture of mud, shit and what not :D



Now comes the most challenging part of the journey ...climbing down from Bhavan to Ardhkuwari via new route. Despite being the newly constructed the tiles have been totally broken by the monsoon and since it is not at all steep so it really doesnt make much difference in the timing of the trekking both ways...

This was the most difficult trek I have ever did....may be because of the fatigue of the whole journey we covered so far or may be the tiredness was because of getting drenched in rain without taking breaks and bothering to dry ourselves...My pal did pretty fair than me. I was a total wreck at this point of time and I swear that I am not coming again n foot to this place....Take a helicopter and get down near Bhavan was my ideal way f reaching there in those moments :D

We also couldn't thought of stopping by and taking some rest because covering 1 km in one hour seemed to be our pace and with this there was no way we could have made to the Jammu station in the evening to catch Rajdhani with pit stops. :| So we kept moving.....at one point i saw a empty bench and laid there telling my beloved companion (who made me come by that terrible route despite my numerous efforts to lure her for the other shorter route :P) to keep moving and i will catch her up in sometime. BUt as expected she also could not avoided the tempting benches offering their cosy space for a break and yess we slept there with our bags...shawls...jackets on and slept there for 35 minutes: O I tell you that was THE best nap i ever had apart from the two other which I am not likely to disclose here or anywhere else ;)



And yess without boring you any further I will say that finally after that pit stop and dragging ourselves to the Ardhkuwari....we finally reached and shutey ran straight to the queue with some jugaad and got into the long queue for darshans ....and I ....I headed straight to a bench crowded with some aunties and slet there for an hour by the time my Darshan craving sis was back from her fasciations :P n guess what did she say after coming back...."You know what Vinny it was only a cave" and i was like yeah so what else were you expecting :O :P :D and then we headed back downwards and against my decision of riding a baghi or a horse i went down on my bare foots...not becoz i had regained the lost stamina but because i couldn't find any bagghis or horse x-( huh :P



But it was a wise decision i actually regained my momentum later and we regained our pce of 4 KMs per hour :) n yess What i learned was pushing my limits when my head said its totally gme over for my bare foots ....I gave myself chance to prove it wrong! ;)



And after that ...we reached safely home after roaming in few temples in Jammu in the evening....thanks to Rajdhani's timing and a good night sleep.



So this was all from my trip.....and you know what I never realised I will be skipping all the important messages that I wanted to give thru the blog while reaching the climax of it. My bad .... I got bored atually! :P :P



Anyways Cheers.....Jai Mata Di :)

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

Vale la pena vivir

Life is worth living only --

when you have moments that makes you completely broken and suddenly a voice comes from inside saying "move on and show what you have got no matter what, don't let the hope die inside";

when you have people whom you can call up at the midnight and say "yaar m totally f**ked up" n listen to their boasting preaches even when they r half asleep and they don't have iota of an idea what they are saying :P;

when you surprise your competent with a performance which they can not even imagine in their dreams and knock them off their stands and still be generous enough to lend a hand to help them stand up;

when you have nowhere to go and every path seems blurred still you have courage to create your own paths with the foundation of character and principals you have cultivated;

then LIFE will be actually worth living, be ready to face its challenges head on and carry no remorse from the past, no matter how wrong you performed...coz there is always some learnings hidden in the worst times we face!

Keep in mind and remind yourself time and again that first be the change you want to see in yourself and then try to bring the change in surroundings, then life will be worth spending and celebrating. :)

Change

As we all know change is the law of nature and lately I have been thinking its significance in my life.
From some time I have been been very adamant to changes, may be because the change that my surroundings were expecting from me were not exactly what I had projected for myself. To some extent the reason behind this reluctance is justified as I believed in some things and some people and that didn't turn out to be so and hence my expectations failed in the course and I didn't know what to believe. Though expecting things and people to not change is in a way expecting something which is against the nature. And I have figured out the best expectations are the ones which we keep from ourselves or our targets, the moment someone enters in you expectations, it screws not because that people can not live up to them but because of the reason that one should never interfere in someone else space and expectations are one such thing.
The only pain I have carried with me is of being mis leaded. I tried to mislead myself to a destination which was never mine.

Whatever, the content is not as important as the lesson learnt from it.

Though contrary to this one of my buddy used to say "If you really want to learn from mistakes...then learn it from other's mistake not your's own." I must say it was quite a smart suggestion but being a human we tend to make mistakes and there is a very rare probability that you can find any short cut for this learning.

Though you might know all the basic principles and to do's list while going through a change still there is one very simple saying worth keeping in our mind is:
Never ever forget in life what you are made of and what you are made for!

This has inspired me time and again and helped me in tough times for finding the purpose in whatever I do. Although I believe till now I have not seen a larger picture of life but still whatever little I have seen in bits and pieces can be jumbled together to make some sense and I know what I am made of and what I am made for and all the other experiences I HAD, I am HAVING and the ones I WILL have are just a phase which are significant in some way to groom me into what I am supposed to become.

As per the principle one important ingredient of growth is a catalyst and the catalyst for Life is CHANGE.

Believe in Yourself

When we want something with all our heart, that's when we are closest to the Soul of the World. It's always a positive force. This force drives us towards our goals and gives us enough scope to achieve them. But there are certain facts that should be cleared before following them blindly and to avoid the misconceptions. I believe the only way through which we can reach the zenith of our ambitions and goals is to be first crystal clear about them!
In our heart and soul we should be very clear about what we want and it should not be subject to any kind of conditions; One has to be firm enough whether they want it to make it happen or not and if thats your mission, then there should be no turning back. There is no doubt that every goal is like a voyage in the turbulent ocean and it is full of storms and tempting smooth sails in towards safe harbors. You may have to sacrifice a lot of things/moments/relationships on your way forward and to get enough strength on how to overcome it; I believe following are the essentials:

Commitment

Personal responsibility

Honesty

Determination

These traits guide us through thick n thin. They are the parameters which help us take decisions and identify what is important. I don’t know about others but whatever I have “really” wanted in my life and had invested my efforts into knowingly or unknowingly, have always achieved it, then may be i was not in a position to accept it but yes if you put sufficient efforts then the soul of this world which is still a positive force will help you. There is a force whose mission is to guide us towards our goals and realize our dreams.

We often worry about the consequences of the actions we undertake. And yes it is necessary to give it a thought till some extent. But over investment of resources where they are not required is also not a good deal.


I would like to share a passage of a story from the Alchemist involving a great Seer and a farmer which I found worth sharing:
There was a farmer who always was too keen in knowing the future. One day, the oldest Seer, the farmer had ever sought out had asked why he was so interested in the future. Then Farmer said.. Well so I can do things, "And so I can change those things that I don't want to happen."
"But then they wouldn't be a part of your future," the seer had said.
Farmer replied "Well, maybe I just want to know the future so I can prepare myself for what's coming."
"If good things are coming, they will be a pleasant surprise," said the Seer. "If bad things are, and you know in advance, you will suffer greatly before they even occur."


So with this I would like to conclude my write up about our ambiguities we face in life regarding taking decisions for future or crimping about our past. The ball is always is in out court and even if it is beyond our visions (that may also turn out as an opportunity for new horizons.)

We can't always WIN and we can't loose every time as well. Winning is a life time journey which is full of adventures and misadventures. Whenever you start an adventurous journey you just have to move ahead with all the good and bad experiences. The ultimate goal is to complete the journey and interestingly you don't know what your destination is. It's upon you when you decide that your adventure is over and you completed it successfully. And, there you WON.

la vita è mistero

One day i might not be feeling what I am feeling today, one day i might not be mad at things happening in my life, one day i might not bother about little details at which i get frustrated and sad, one day i might not take things with so much pain as i m taking them today but one thing which i don't want to change about myself anytime in my lifetime and that is my tendency of loving people and moments.

People say God made mother coz he couldn't be present everywhere, then i don't understand why he took away my mum so early... didn't I deserved her love n i never felt God's presence either. Anyhow without wasting my time on questioning whether god really exists or not. Yes, I do believe in gods but that is only coz of my mum....she believed in them and I pray n do little things in worship only for her, thats why i always ask for others in prayers. There have been instances when i had traveled hundreds of kilometers in the name of worship and peace but whenever i reached the destination I asked God to bless someone else. I don't want to change this in ME.

My thoughts are always random as random as this blog is. I don't know whether someone will ever feel the delights of a gud reader's experience while browsing through my blog but m sorry I can't help it. If you want to read anything about me, then it would be always random....so plz cope up with it.

Just feel like writing something about love, of course everyone has their share of love in their lives and I too had privilege of it. Its beautiful, its peaceful but above this love is full of pain and if you mix it with self centered favours then it will become dangerous and complicated.

Never expect in love, believe me it pollutes the sacred feeling and it has a habbit of punishing in harsh ways, so beware whenever you tend to get away from the track. I remember when i was a little kid i loved dancing, and once during the audition of the annual fest i got that compliment from one of my senior that i was the best dancer from my age group and I still remember the delight of it. That was a selfless love, I used to dance for two reasons one becoz i simply loved dancing and secondly that I used get a chance to wear those traditional dresses (since i love dressing up especially in traditional Indian outfits and makeups).

As years passed my love for sports grew, i still remember my dad used to make me sit n see all the steffi graf's matches and from that time she is the only tennis player i love watching. I liked many sports there were no favorites rather i feel i loved the spirit of sportsmanship, I loved the enthu and excitement while playing for not only winning but to give a gud satisfying innings be it any sport. Though I never excelled in any sports but I can proudly say that I have all the qualities of a gud sportsman and that has helped me to become a better person indeed.

Now those school n college days are long bygones. Its been 4 yrs since i left my regular studies, there was a time when I used to love studying not to get high marks in exams but to gain knowledge and because i enjoyed studying, Today I am too much confused to decided over the subject that I want to study. :O :|

People say it happens in this age group of 25 around you get confused and often think about finding purpose of life, In a way its gud to explore one's depths but at the same time its really challenging to make ur own calls, But then this is the true independence of a being. Independence doesn't comes from financial security or free will to do anything, It actually lies in taking your boat towards the direction from where you get the call when your boat is sailing on a safe route out in the ocean. Independence comes when you are able to gain the confidence to take your life where your inner soul is projecting it.

I dunno whether I am making any sense here but I have so far managed to understand this If i want to be happy and satisfied in life then I will have to listen to my soul. though its too confusing and aimless at the moment but there is no other way I can live ...its suffocating.

Nostalgia

Whenever I listen to this song "Kaise Batayei" in Kailash Kher's voice, it invokes the typical emotional vinny whome very very few people really know and understands. Its one of the purest lyrics sung in one of the most mesmerizing voice I ever heard. Anyhow I am not here to talk about the greatness of Kailash's voice or of the lyricist... no doubt both are great but that is not relevant to my thoughts, so lets leave it here.

Today I am here almost after 3 months to update my personal blog about some of the things i can share here. As I promised that there will be lots of travelling and adventures carried out in coming times....well that happened but it dint involve the physical exploration of new places rather i did some soul searching intentionally n unintentionally too. I guess i m going thru one of the most confusing and testing phase of my life so far. Earlier times used to be tough but never confusing. Over some time now I have known myself better...came to know about some hidden things that i never expected that I'll do! It was worth exploring and sometimes embarrassing to know that i could be that weak. Never-mind we all learn to stand only after falling down and thankfully I was surrounded by some of the best souls with pure intentions of helping me out. I will always be thankful to them.

Life is long, life is tough and it would be always full of pain no matter what i achieve, no matter where I go.....this I'm sure of now. dunno why but i always find myself in some extra ordinary situations where i tend to take the decisions which generally people shy away from taking up...may be coz of my strength to stand by my beliefs( sometimes these beliefs are baseless, yet i decline to accept it :|) or may be because i have a habit of being adamant of doing things for which i have made up my mind.

This journey will be continuing since this is just the beginning and I hope when I will reach my destination I will be satisfied about what i achieve regardless of what i lost and be proud of how i sailed through it. afterall it is journey that matters not the destination.

Buss yar isse jyada der tak mai serious nahi reh sakti ... i ve a defaulter gene which keep getting charged up after regular intervals to cheer me up with mischiefs :)

Cheers all!

Go forth and explore the world -- that's your mission! Your boundless energy is perfect for setting crazy goals and achieving them, so pull yourself together and head out into the wilds!

Despreocupado

Off late I have been experiencing a lot of mood swings in my routine and am realising that these are nothing but jus a course of exploring my inner depths...my originality, which most of us face during their 20 something phase of life and especially if u r single :D ...believe me being single gives u alot of personal space to explore, experiment and conquer the inabilities....It's been great to be this way :)
I was suggested by one of my angels to update my status with this "Always gotta keep busy or the voices start telling me to do wild things" lolz ....very true and seriosuly suiting my current state of mind. :D
I wonder how come some people become so close to us that even without expressing anything to them they can read watever we r having on our minds....(though i got to be aware of them when i'm upto some mischeif).... Luckily I'm blessed to ve many of them in my life ....love u sweethearts :) and not to forget couple of you who are thousands of miles away ... u're the one who stood by me in bringing up my spirit back from the dungeon of fears!

Believe me not going by the above quote n not keeping myself busy in any of the not so interesting or bullying stuff ...I'm following my instincts and doing all kind of wild things my heart n conscience arguably ask me to.... coz ultimately thats the way I am.

Although I am not a gud writer but I would definately write down all my endeavours here and wld try to make them interesting enough to read.... n people who really know me would ve known by now wat I'm upto :D .... yeah Laddakh trip is on the hitlist gals :D

Cheers!

It takes goodwill and knowledge to appreciate efforts and initiatives taken by great people, but it takes courage and will power to follow and implement their projected initiatives and to keep the fire burning within and surround us.

Often we discover a special source of fire to ignite our purpose and dreams, the source could be a song or a picture or gr8 stuff written by others...it could be anything and it is important to revive one's lost motive. One of the sources of my ignition are these lines which hits at my insignificant concerns and stupidity in behaviour with a sudden rush of impeccable purpose and energy..

Waqt aane pe bata denge tujhe hai Aasmaan..
Hum abhi se kya batayein kya hamare Dil mei hai.